Welcome to my humble page


I can’t offer you anything but my thought, view, experience, and stories

Since I’m an Indonesian, most of my writing would be in Indonesian; but I’ll try my best to translate all my writing into English

Friday, August 3, 2012

Does God Exist


The young man had that dead sureness that cover adolescent insecurity. “I don’t believe in God!” he roared as he strode into my office unannounced.
“Want a cup of coffee?”
I got it for him without his approval.
“Sit down. Tell me what sort of God you don’t believe in. Maybe I don’t believe in that sort of God, either”.
He stepped on my lines. “I don’t believe in a god who allows child molestation – like that McMartin school deal, or a Christopher Bernard Wilder kidnapping, murdering and raping that 16-year-old, a god who allows wars, El Salvador…”.
“Cream and sugar?”
“Cream only, thanks… and world hunger, and, and, just all this hopeless mishmash.”
I gave him his cup and looked out the window: people, seas of them, milling in the streets of this concrete wilderness called Los Angeles. My mind went back to the days of tea and crumpets at Oxford, that lovely summer just after the war. I remembered C.S: Lewis, the Oxford don, telling of his conversation to Christianity and the thought processes that led to it. I thought of a conversation with a fine young friend who went to Vietnam, never to return.
“This war to which I’m going makes no sense. Life makes no sense. The world is totally irrational.”
I looked him squarely in the eye.
“Bill, you just made a rational statement and that fact eliminates the idea that this world is totally irrational. If it were totally irrational, who would know it? From where do you think that rationality came?”
I turned and posed the same question to my young coffee-drinking friend.
“That logic won’t hold with me, I’m an atheist.”
He was the fifth teen-age atheist I had met this week. It is a psychological experience more than an intellectual conclusion.
“Logic usually doesn’t set too well with an atheist – nor facts, “I said to him. “The term atheist means that you know there is no God. To say you know there is no God means that you have learned all the truth there is in the universe and there is no God. Have you learned all there is to know, or is your atheism, like my Christianity, a statement of faith?”
He turned toward to me in the chair.
I continued: “In one of our previous conversations, you told me faith was the last resort of the stupid. Now, here you are making a statement of faith about your atheism… or do you know everything?”
“Of course not.”
He was beginning to get a little angry with me.
“If you don’t know everything, then how do you know God doesn’t exist outside your learning and experience?”
“I don’t.”
“Then you are not an atheist, you are an agnostic.”
“Yes, I guess that is what I am.”
“What you have just told me is that you don’t know what you are.”
His steam began to pour out. “Exactly, and what sort of God is it who lets people not know who they are or what they are. How can I know who he is when he won’t let me know who I am?”
I asked my friend what he was studying in college. He was in advertising.
“Suppose you owned an ad agency and God wanted you to tell the whole world exactly what he is like. How would you do it?”
He picked up the challenge. Taking a legal pad from my desk, he drew a line down the middle of the page. On one side he wrote “method”. On the other, he wrote “problems”.
The first method he wrote down on this worldwide God-advertising program was, “Start a religion.” Then he scratched it out and wrote, “Divisive. Too many of them already in existence.”
Then he inscribed his next suggested method: “Put it in a book.” He immediately vetoed that because “half the world can’t read.”
One after another he wrote, considered the flaws, then marked them out.
Finally, he looked at me and smiled. “My problem is that I can’t seem to find a universal oneness, one thing that every human understands, with which he can identify, love and comprehend. If I could discover that, I would know how to advertise God to the multilingual, multiracial world.”
Then he picked up his pencil and wrote, “If I wanted to universally advertise what God is like and how he acts, I would recommend that he become a human being.”
On the problem side, he wrote “none”. Then he laid down his pencil, looked up at me and quietly said, “Jesus Christ makes sense.”
He was right.
Jesus Christ is that sense without which all other sense is nonsense. He became what we are as a matter of communication from God as to who he is and what he is doing.
Christians believe God so identified with us that he solved three great questions all science has not been able to fathom:
The problem of sin. 
The problem of sorrow. 
The problem of death.
Rev. Jess Moody

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Hello Japanese Manga~ you are exposed!

Looking at nowadays worldly creation, I wonder if humanity is already in a deep abyss. 

Bleach Guys, fan service for the ladies?


I used to be a manga (Japanese comic) fan and I’ve read many of those Japanese’s works. I know there are some manga that bluntly mocking God yet I also realized that there are many….too many manga deliver subtle message about the prince of darkness and softly invading into our mind to change our way of thinking or belief. Manga is not the only media Satan uses to deceive humanity; what you called as the works of art such as comics, movie, novel, poem, painting, etc are used as well. However, this time I will reveal my thought on manga.


I believe everyone in this world already know about manga (I bet you know about “One Piece”, “Naruto”, “Bleach”, “Nurahyon”, and many more that already been made into anime). They are comics, stories created from human creativities (which is scary enough since it reveals that human have a tendency to be a darkness society). Some manga are okay, but some are NOT okay at all.

Why do I say manga is dangerous?

It has undisguised porn. Showed in how the girls drawn in manga are exploited with sexy outfit which expose their bodies. Well, in shoujo (manga for girls) or josei (manga for women) there are boys exposed as well. Those sexy characters often used as “fan service”, I believe that those manga readers know the meaning of that. You might want to read the further explanation in Wikipedia tough.

Slashing people around~
A Scene from Nurahiyon no Mago 



















Undisguised porn isn’t bad enough? Please be worry, they provide violence as showed in “Naruto”, “Bleach”, “Nurahyon no Mago”, “Claymore”, etc (too many of them…). Fighting, hitting, war, blood spilled, just name it and you’ll get it. Ever heard of a phrase “You are what you eat”? I guess it’s just natural if the society becomes violent society since they used to see violence.

While pornography and violence seem to take the lead on the stage, there is such a frightening brain washing in manga that lurking and becomes the most dangerous aspect in manga.

Shoujo (manga for girls) usually offer a flawless hero (the perfect guy, the cutie bad boy, the sentimental cute guy, blablabla) as a love interest for the heroine. I don’t know psychology but I know the girls will be dreaming of such guy for their boyfriend, they will long for a beautiful love story just like the manga they read. How could I write that? It’s personal experience… Even more, love stories in manga usually come with free sex, injecting the reader the way to prove your love is to give your body (having sex) to your loved one.  

Hot demon as a girl lover?
I’ve read so many manga that using Catholic Church as their inspiration (“07-Ghost”, “Hellsing”, etc), it is natural tough since the Catholic Church itself has too many bizarre teaching. However, some mangaka bluntly mocking God in their works and it seems that it is their nature. By using storyline where the demons are the one that were trampled as the victim of the unfair God, demons are struggling to be free from the curse or punishment, etc. It is strange enough though to see the very same idea in many manga. 

Before long I realized then, using this story line the demon is trying to brainwash us and claim himself as the victim and the good guy who only want to be free from a tyrant. They also share some lies by telling that demon can love human….gimme a break ~the very thing those demons want is killing us and drag us to hell along with him.

Furthermore about the “demon side”, some manga also offer us a story of a demon king, and that obviously tell us lies about the hell. It is true that the devil is reigning in his realm of darkness—will be over soon as stated in Revelation; still, it is such a lie to showing us that the lake of fire is just like onsen for them and there is a good life in hell, blablabla. I guess this is the reason that a friend of mine thought killing herself to escape from problems in this earth is fine.

I don’t care about people who said that it’s just a story, there is nothing wrong with that, blabla… my ears are deaf and my eyes are blind for such response. As I stated before, “you are what you eat”, will you be like the manga story? Will you be fine with pornography, violence, and damned lies in your life? Are you really believe that hell is not a big deal at all? Are you careful enough in picking your reading?

Picture speaks louder than words

Seriously, there are so many hidden agenda behind manga. However, I guess this post is more than enough.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Church Denominations???








It is a wonder to me when denominations of church became such a great deal. While some will take it lightly and consider all denominations are the same, some will differentiate and act hostile in this matter.


in my case, I meet this guy via twitter from my sis. This guy, eka, was a leader of campus circle of prayer. He's already graduated but my Sis wanted to share bout seminar (KKR in Indonesian) which was specially made for young generations--the college students. So she just ask this Eka bout to help share this events to his friends in campus. Then all of sudden he just babbling that campus is neutral and don't support denominations; on the other hand...the seminar has nothing to do with any denominations.God wants to make this seminar to spread the news of revelation 13, to warn and prepare them when the time comes. There's no other intention but to warn the young generation that the time is near and Jesus is coming very soon. 


Then this guy keeps saying the seminar would bring some denominations and students aren't object...Where's the part of making students as object? I also did tell him that we bring no denomination.I had a chat with my sis bout this guy and we reached a conclusion that maybe....just maybe...this guy had through some painful experience with church denomination then have some bitterness with it. 


Frankly speaking, it's kind of sad to see him keeps on insisting that we have other intention (in a bad way) in this seminar.And finally I just replied him 1 Timothy 6:4 and asked him to be careful 'cause sometimes...become paranoid or suspicious (really...he's way too paranoid) is a matter of his own heart.


I don't know if what I did is right...but I'm really hoping that he would understand that church denominations have nothing to do with Christ. The body of Christ is one and when someone want to share a good news (especially 'bout the second coming of Jesus or warn you 'bout the anti-christ) please don't be deceived by the devil and helping him with your negative thinking.


I hope that I can reach out and ask people to pray first before putting any hurting thought on someone; also, I want to share my thought of denominations.Yes, there are many church denominations and often...they are clashing one to another. However, their Master is Jesus. Jesus has great plans to every denominations and He won't let them ruined because of unreasonable clash. 


Body of Christ is one, how can it become one if we keep on differentiate and avoid some certain or all denominations? Don't you dare to judge any denominations...


Matthew 7:1-2"Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."


Is church denominations important? What's important is love Jesus, follow Jesus, pray to Jesus;not to someone else.




If you don't like some denominations so be it, don't judge them but just let them. There might be something that different from the way you do but God loves them, who are we to judge them? Their Master, Jesus, will take care of them so just be still and worship God...He has the ultimate control over everything.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Heart Test

http://soliloquyofastranger.deviantart.com/


These past days, my prayers were granted. I asked Lord to destroy my ego and indeed He’s working on it  now.

I used to have a super unpleasant personality and prefer to leave whenever I felt hated, rejected, and unwanted. I don’t know where were they come from but those were just there.

 Hated, rejected, and unwanted—I did shut myself because of these three feeling.

My oldest memory that I can feel really strong even now is the time when my kindergarten teachers treated my differently than another child. Well, the other child was sick and pukes; that event affected me and alas~ I puked as well in my lunch box. While the other child treated kindly, I was scolded and told to wash my lunch box all by myself at the back of the school (I was weeping as I washed the box). I wondered and even now I wonder, did I do anything wrong or bad? Why was I treated differently? Was it because I am ugly? Was it because I am poor?

I can tell you more about my ruined soul, but they are all trash. I only need to open one depressing memory as an introduction to my twisted old personality.

It turns out that the character built by such experience would be an unpleasant one. I was proud and pulling myself back whenever I sense that there are people who don’t like me. I didn’t want to say “Hi!” before people reach me. I felt that if I don’t have any use for a group then I am unwanted. In other words…I didn’t have any self-confidence on myself and always longing to be a beautiful lady so that people would love me. Low self-esteem, insecurity, self-hate followed by envy to others that seems to obtain what I wanting. I even dreamt of being a daughter of a rich family so that I could do or have anything I need to be loved.

What a world for me, eh? Life seemed depressing for me and this was also one reason for me to playing games. After all, gaming made me forget who I am and let me be a hero that saved the world and be loved. 

Now back to the great grace of the Lord.

I am aware that my ego is one dangerous issue and I need it to be fixed pronto! So I prayed about it and these past days…even today I was in a situation where the “old” me should be furious and wanting to do some vengeance.

The problem is simple tough. In my circle (my study class about the Lord) God has letting me to know this girl, Junita. It turns out that her personality isn’t better than mine. She’s the type that can’t be annoyed since she is easy to be let down by a person. She will be a brat that playing silence treatment whenever she like even if she doesn’t have any reason to be mad. Frankly speaking, she’s the type that I hate most and I want to avoid forever.

The old me screaming and crying to move out to other class but I know that I must not leave since this is the way God destroying my ego. I was forced to accept her and love her just the way she is. It is really a torture…

The torture on the flesh (beaten) might be easy to endured, but this is a torment to my soul especially my ego.

My mind keeps on telling me that I am rejected, unwanted and nobody would love me; why should I stay in that place? I better leave.   

My mind wants me to leave, but my spirit wants me to stay and endure this ordeal. I am forced to bless her despite of her silly treatment on me while the truth is I want to say harsh words and make her in misery. I’m trying real hard to treat her normally and equally as the others while she’s clearly separate me. I did forgive her and trying to understand her history but her behavior is a no no for the “old” me—ego. The old me would walk away and leave that circle without any doubt and put the blame on her.

Still, I reminded of a song…”I’m in love with God and God in love with me; this is who I am and this is who I’ll be and that’s settle it…” then a story from my mentor, “I don’t need love from people. I only need love from God.”  Seems good, eh? Unfortunately I was still up set…

Surprisingly, the Lord did give me a pleasant experience to cheer me up. Jesus gave me a pleasant taxi driver who is polite and likes to chat about good things just on the right timing when I almost lost my temper. Just now He even send me strengthening words from a friend of the church :D

The real things I want to tell you are…

Who said that history create peoples? My life might be a ruined one and my ego is the offspring of it. But I was not created by my life’s history. I might be ruined now but God is a good Lord that He will fix me at once. I was and am created by the Lord Jesus Christ alone.    

God gives us tests so that we can be developed even more in His hand. Even when the condition seems unfair, God uses it as a tool to polish us to be His perfect bride. After all, I was the one who asked to be destroyed since I want to be perfect and capable in spirit. When I am down and wanting to give up, He set people to cheer me up without their realization. It seems simple but it makes my heart strong again ‘cause I know that He understands and loves me.   

I might still be a lousy person but I believe God is able to change me, and He is able to change you as well. Just ask Him, surely He hears you and know what you need most.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Jesus Loves Me


Lord, I want to cry; I want to unleash my rage

Yet I know, that against Your will

Lord, I want to run into Your arms; I want to cry on Your laps

Pouring out my despair, telling You about my struggle

Lord, You know my heart; even more than I do

Let me feel Your love even greater in this sorrow

Even if my mind keeps telling me I am rejected

Even if my mind keeps pointing me I am unwanted

Even if my mind keeps pushing me I am hated

I won’t do as my fake mind told me to

‘Cause I know that Jesus loves me

And that’s the best thing I ever have in my life

wiT''
02 May 2012, 11:38 pm

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Let me Love - Watchman Nee


Let me love and not be requited
Let me serve and not be rewarded
Let me labor and not be remembered
Let me suffer and not be regarded

Let me pour wine while I drink not
Let me break bread while I keep not
Pour out my life that others be blessed
Loss myself life that they may comforted

I do not seek pity or wishes
I do not seek glory or riches
But I rather be lonely wretched 
Be discarded be wrongly treated

With my blood and tears pay the price to gain the crown, 
on this pilgrims ground bear 
All sorrow that abound
For this way you need thread when you lived
On this earth which is of your own

Gladly bore or loss as you purpose
That the people around you be composed

I know not how far the future lies ahead
On this path of no retreating I am led
So led me Lord now learn of your perfect pattern
Suffered wrong no resentment in return

May you in this tideous dull interim
Wipe away all my tears somber and dim

For you are my solace I learn to know
Let my life be a pleasing fountain flow


Sunday, February 12, 2012

Kissed by Jesus by Rick Pino


Oh, I've been kissed by Love's lips
Rescued by Love's hands
Forged in fire, not cheaply made
This love cannot be slain

No, no, no, no....

Oh...I've been kissed by Love
I've been kissed by the Son
I've been kissed by Love
I've been kissed by Jesus

Your tender words, they melt my heart
This melting heart will dance
Your caring touch heals me again
You're closer than a friend

I've been kissed by Love
I've been kissed by the Son
I've been kissed by Love
I've been kissed by Jesus


I'm so in love with you Jesus
I'm so in love with you Jesus



Tuesday, January 17, 2012

No More Ancient Tradition

What is the meaning of becoming a Christian?



It is to following Christ and to become more and more like Christ; Also, become a citizen of God’s kingdom—the heavenly kingdom.

Hence, I am no longer a citizen of this earth but I am a member of God’s family.


It means I am not bound to follow any old tradition from this world; it’s simply because God has made me one of His people that living on His rules, not the world’s rules.

Thus, the world might see me as a freak, weird one, because of this difference. Still, what I am doing is normal for real Christians—people that truly love and follow God with all of their heart and willing to surrender everything for the Lord.  


I guess this brief explanation is enough…let’s get into the point.


Chinese New Year is coming. It has been a tradition for Chinese people to celebrate it, including Tiong Hoa (Chinese descendant people that live in Indonesia).

The family will gather together in one place despite of their home location (ex: Uncle from Java will go to Sumatera or vice versa), dine together, chatting, playing card game (it’s often become a family gambling event), and giving money inside of red envelope called angpao to youngster. Some families (non-Christians or “weird” Christians) even pray to gods for the whole night before the festive time and (sadly) go to their ancestors’ graves to clean the graves and pray to them (yes…to dead people who can’t do anything).

Family gathering is nice, dine together is also good…

Gambling? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
To be honest, I admit that Chinese people have tendency to gambling (I experienced it and I saw for myself that the fathers, even some mothers, will gather and playing card with some money as the bet).

Angpao? What is the meaning of the red envelope? Sharing fortune to the family is good but sharing can be done every day, it doesn’t have to be the Chinese New Year. Call me freak but I believe there is something bad about those red envelope—painted with some weird pictures and unfamiliar Chinese words…you don’t know what will it bring, duh~

Pray to gods and ancestors? ……..

Le:26:1: Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up any image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I am the LORD your God. (Imamat 26:1)

God has declared it clearly that He is the Lord. Christians “MUST” not bow unto anything but the Lord! How could you call yourself a Christian if you still bow unto other gods and do some praying to dead people?? STOP HURTING GOD!

Phew…

I guess, it’s all about faith then... People are free to believe in anything and do anything they think is right. On the contrary, it troubles me to see people, who called themselves Christian, still celebrate this event.

Well, perhaps they aren’t gambling or pray to gods and dead people. But they don’t realize that each year, they celebrate some beast!!!

Chinese New Year always comes with a beast: mouse, horse, tiger, pig, monkey, chicken, dragon, blabla (I don’t remember…praise the Lord!!) and this year, 2012, it’s going to be “water dragon”!!!

http://tiantian1008.deviantart.com/art/Water-Dragon-168715239

Dear fellow Christians, my dear brothers and sisters…you should know that dragon is the interpretation of the devil himself, right? Why would you celebrating his arrival? Why would you celebrating some kind of animals?

In my point of view (which is came just now…thanks dearest Holy Spirit :-* ), celebrating it also count as worshiping those beasts…



Chinese New Year come…it’s the dragon year! Then you’ll see many dragons images around you…people upload dragons as their profile picture, put those images on the doors, and billboard, blablabla… The greetings will come with dragons image attached and so on~~



Many people will see the dragon, happy about it because of the festive hype, gathering and singing some song to celebrate it… isn’t it the same as worshiping?

Even uttering, “Happy “dr**on” year” will be the same as celebrating the beast’s arrival. 

Do you still want to celebrate it? I don’t.

As Christians, we are no longer bound to do some ancient tradition from the world. Chinese New Year is one of many weird and dark tradition from the world that created by the devil himself to make people worshiping him unconsciously.

Jesus has freed us from darkness. Open your eyes! It’s time to be aware about our surrounding and run to God.

Step out and declare the war against the world!       

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Carman , Great God

This song is such a blessing for me


God is a God of righteousness, God sits on the throne
God is strong in battle, God is God alone
God is a wise and merciful, God is Sovereign Lord
God is pure and holy, God reigns forevermore

He’s a great God, a righteous King
Ruler over everything
He’s a great God, we will proclaim
Honor and glory to His name

God holds up the universe, God sustains the soul
God exalts and God puts down, God is in control
God’s glory is eternal, God is love and peace
God knows all, sees all, is all, God is to be praised

He’s a great God, a righteous King
Ruler over everything
He’s a great God, we will proclaim
Honor and glory to His name

Blessing and glory and wisdom
Thanksgiving and honor and power and might
Be to our God forever and ever and all the Saints said
“holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy is His name”
Great God, great God

He’s a great God, a righteous King
Ruler over everything
He’s a great God, we will proclaim
Honor and glory to His name

Great God, a righteous King
Ruler over everything
He’s a great God, we will proclaim
Honor and glory to His
(3x)






Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Once again...


Last day was a challenge for me, my mind was in havoc and the battle was hard. The battle was intense and I have gain some awareness from it.

I admit I snapped for few times and in those events I might hurt some people. However, the worst case yesterday was when I was on my way home last night. I met this brat (again), a bad behaved brat who forced people to accept his envelope. He forced the passengers of the bus to accept his envelope, hoping that there might be (and there are…) some that will put some money in it. And when I wrote “force”, I mean it. Even if people refused to accept it, he will push and leave those envelopes; he even boldly put it in people’s pocket!! Such brat -___- and he has no manner at all…after he done he will walk around and collect his envelopes without saying “Thanks” whatsoever and mock people that feel offended of his behavior. To be honest, this brat wears good clothes; he even wears brand new shoes. So…why would he do that??? 


Let me share my thought at that time…

I want to kick him, push him down or throw him out of the running bus. I want to slap and yell at him, I want to rip those envelopes and throw them away from the window in front of his face. In the end, I have a desire to kill him. Well…to be precise, to hurt him real hard and make him regrets his birth -_-


 If…

I let my emotion to control me and do what I was thinking without trying to control it. I might have killed him and some street thugs might come after me because of my stupid action.

Nevertheless, I prayed in my heart and confessed it all. I do not want to lie, I told God about what I was thinking and I acknowledge my hatred to that boy. (You can’t lie to God anyway so why would I keep it and acting like a saint with a good heart? I told God the truth and He fixes my heart!)

Then a thought came out. If I were to follow my emotion at that time, I am no different than the devil. 

The devil deceives human to follow their emotion, to satisfy their soul without thinking of the consequences. If you want to drink alcohol, just drink it! If you want to have sex, just go for it! You are human after all, it is human! Just do it to please yourself, get those pleasures while you are in the world, satisfy yourself!

What a lie -____________-

The world is a temporary living place. Because the time is limited, human must search for God; instead of following their fleshly desire and get in troubles.

Then Sis reminds me… (Thanks God for using my sister to tell me this). Heaven and hell is real, why would I sacrifice my spot in heaven just because of a brat?


Simpler way is, why would I get into trouble just because of a brat? Just push and control that rage and I’m getting into no trouble—safe and sound in my room.  

In the end, managing your emotions is the first step for everything—avoiding problems that caused by some exploding emotion (lol).


 Furthermore, the mind of a person is a war zone. With controlled emotions, the battle will be easier. And to be able to managing the emotions…Jesus is the answer.

Once again, I was reminded that the key of salvation is Jesus…