Falling -- a song about David

My father told me to see how my brothers were doing
on the battlefield
My brothers told me there's an army that's causing some trouble
on the battlefield
And I could see the sun and it was shining on the one who wants to hurt my fellow people
And I could see that he was the antithesis of me and I must stand up for my people

He was falling, 'till he shook the ground, thought his strength was all
but he had nothing at all

My brothers told me that I am not the one to go and fight him off 'cause I am not a warrior
So i went to the king he said kid your just too young but if your truly sure take my armor and go to war
But I could tell something was wrong going to fight with all the song cause all I needed was his name of war to win
So I took five stones from the river aimed my slingshot and delivered the message right between his eyes, G-ds name is disguise

He was falling, till he shook the ground thought his strength was all
but he had nothing at all

Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad
[All that I needed in order to win was pure declaration of my faith in Him,
where faith stands even giants with fall]

He was falling, till he shook the ground thought his strength was all
but he had nothing at all

Where is the morality?

There is one phrase that often said by people in Indonesian, “Why good people always die early?” (Orang baik matinya cepat).

There also a joke about it,

Two good people die and come to the after world; they are welcomed by an angel.

“This is not fair, we are good people. Why we die so early?” they ask the angel.

The angel looked confuse and ask, “Did you drink beer or any alcoholic drinks?”

“No.”

“Did you ever do freesex in your life?”

“No!”

“Did you go to night clubs or enjoy any night lifestyle?”

“NO!”

In the end the angel say, “So what’s the point in living in the earth while you people never enjoy the world?”

Seems funny? Sorry, but it isn’t funny at all for me.

This joke literary told us that we have to enjoy the earth’s pleasure, which are those wild lifestyle. That lifestyle might seem cool; I never went to any nightclub before and forever, but I admit I used to dream of that lifestyle (hang out at a club). I imagine going there and hooked with some guy and then gain a beautiful relationship, etc.

 Yet, the Lord’s grace really shines upon me.

I never got any friend that loves to go to night club, so I never went there since nobody would accompany me. Some might say that I’m such a geek or a church freak, blablabla. Hey…believe me, I’m starting to be a church freak since last five months -- It feels like years tough. 

    

Ok, back to the night lifestyle. I believe there’s verse about going out at night, which tells us to be careful since the night is dangerous. Well, it’s true. Behind the glamorous lifestyle you can find that most people are ruined caused by the alcoholic drinks, drugs, and love.

People that try to find pleasure or have fun by going to nightclub often trapped in agony. The truth is hard, nightclub won’t give you any true pleasure. It is just temporary and has a high risk of ruining your life. Well, some people might make the nightclub as a meeting place or a place to dance. I won’t judge them, I believe those people aware of it and can manage to not join the darkness flow.

However, I have one crucial question.

Where are the morality?

Still, the earth lover would question about the good people destiny.

Well, I believe the Lord has the plan and already took care of it. So, why would I bother searching the answer? (^_^)

Sometimes, just enjoy the life without questioning or worry would be the best.

Enjoy it~

Last Monday Dewi visited my boarding house again. And since Evi worked overtime (always overtime~) again, Dewi had to stay in my room for awhile. As always, we had an interesting conversation.

Dewi told me, “I have to save money, I mean, a lot of money.”

I asked, “what for?”

“Marriage”

“Then?”

“Children”

“Then?”

“Live”

“Then?”

Seemed my questions irritated her… (sorry dear >.<). I told her that everything is a naught, why must you worry about money?

Nevertheless, she still doesn’t take my words and insisted that money is important for the future.

The funny thing is, I unconsciously said, “Well, just leave it to the Lord then :D after all the time is near, God will rapture me in no time ^o^”

“You crazy, you don’t want to live in the world anymore? The world is beautiful, duh!“

“No.”

Man, it is such a tragedy to see her response. While I see them, the people that still love this world, as strange people; those people see the likes of me as the creepy group (lol).

Back to the topic. I could see why she thinks money is important tough. I used to be such a greedy person; I desired more and more money. The money my parents gave seemed never enough for me and I dreamed of the luxurious lifestyle. In my mind, money would make everything easier. I could rent an apartment, shop for many branded clothes, do something about my face and body, etc. Alas, everything was a naught.

I realized that when human left this world, the human would bring nothing from this world. We don’t need to pile up treasure, money, fame, or anything from this world since it won’t give us salvation. Along with it, nobody knows when is the time, why don’t we live for God starting for now then?

Most people are busy with their own problems, yet the Lord did tell us to take it easy and let Him take care of it. He wants us to just enjoy living in Him and let Him take care of everything, is that hard?

Hmm…It is hard, but it is worthed J

Just let the Lord lead your life~

Why?

Last night I got a treat from a friend, Albert along with his friend Iti. The three of us had a conversation while we were eating dinner and Iti suddenly said “Why don’t you go with her to the church?” to Albert.

 I didn’t know how the conversation could turn into that, but Albert reaction was funny. He said that he is an infidel ( he said “kafir” in Indonesian) and it is still not the right time.

Well, perhaps it is not the right time but when is the right time and why “infidel”?

The same reaction also happened when Dewi visited my boarding house last Monday night. Even more, most people I know have the same reaction…

I was a gamer and I despised the church so much. I even reached the point of doubting the Lord and almost step in the world of atheism. My reason was simple, I hated the people of the church that always babbling and asking private matter while I don’t know them at all. I was a cyber world citizen and the internet was the source of my information. Too much information (most of the information contain no truth tough) made me doubting the Lord and wondered about many trivial things. I didn’t want to go to the church because I hated it and it would prevent me from playing games, not because I was an infidel or it was not a right time.

Then, why so many people use this alibi?

How come the word “infidel” came out easily from their mouth?

Why do they think “it is not the right time”?

The Lord Jesus Christ is a loving God. He loves us and willing to die for us, why do human easily say “infidel”?

I can’t help it then, in my view – people that declaring themselves as infidel are underestimating the God. It might be a joke, but forgive me… I can’t take that joke. It disturbs me.

Try to see the trivial things around, such as the new day every morning,  eyes that can see, nose that can smell, mouth that can talk along with its tongue that can taste, the heartbeat, the feet, and sooooooo many small things yet complicated. The God’s mercy always shine upon us and the human simply ignore it? Are we really that ignorant?

“It’s not the right time” – when is the right time then? Who are we that could push the Lord to wait?

It reminds me of the conversation with my old gaming friend, Mutso. We talked about trivial stuff and the topic ended up to my sudden transformation. I told him about my experiences and simply told him that the time is near, soon, Jesus will come. Then, he asked, “Is there any sign?” My answer was, “You have to see the sign first then?”

To be honest, I too, was frightened about the Jesus second coming that made me atone and rushed to the Lord. I didn’t want to perish in hell, I want to live; and look at me now… I’m addicted to the Lord XD~

Yet, why do people keep asking for signs when I told them “the time is near”?

Do people need to face the death first to make them understand and repent? 

Why? 

Judgment, a dark side of me

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Have you ever wonder about forgiving each other? Do you think you can do it without any pain or maybe unwilling?

I, personally admit it is the hardest thing to do ever. I used to be an unsocial person with an awful pride and unwilling to say “sorry” even if I’m at fault. On the other hand, not forgiving also can means judging a person by our own measurement. Why can’t I just forgive? He/she is a bastard that blablabla~ (why did I called him/her a bastard?).

For me, knowing that I’m wrong and I could fix it it’s enough and I didn’t bother to ask for forgiveness. Yet, if one offended me, I would be furious and thought to do many bad things to that person. Once, I even thought to just kill the person and all my problems would be solved.

Well, I analyzed myself over and over again and realized that my vanity is the source of those dark habits. I was agonizing over it and displeased with the fact that I could just get over it by ignoring those people’s silly behavior, let them slip without any punishment whatsoever. I even wanted to report my ex-friend about her behavior and her boyfriend that always sleepover at this girls-only boarding house, at that foolish girl’s room every night (I admit these words are the reflection of my disappointment) to the house owner in my rage to make that girl and her boyfriend be kicked out (I didn’t do it since I don’t want to make things worse, she’s the type that would kill herself). 

To be honest, I felt like she just forget about my helps when she was at a pit killing a soul and almost die and blablabla (I’m still getting mad…Lord please help me T_T). I was a stupid person that left some ridiculous vanity in my heart and judged her as a slut, a stupid whore that couldn’t live without man. But then I realized that I’m not better than her, I also am a dirty human. Why did I ever judge her?

In Matthew chapter 7:1-5, the Lord clearly tells us about this.

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

Bang! ” Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” these words are my shelter that protects me from my foolishness and from the devil.

It is still hard for me to just let it slip and I’m struggle in it. This world might provide many tips to be a better person that forgiving and blablabla, but can it be done with our own power?

Nevertheless, praise the Lord! Jesus frees me from my agony and He also carries me home, away from the darkness. He is the One that changed me and gives me the power to win the battle. I have no power to change myself at all, but He is the one that do the job done :) 

A Wonderful Visit

So many things I want to share, but I’m confused which story I should share. Then again, I think It’s better to be wise and keep some stories until the right time.

Today’s story starts when my old friend, Dewi, came visit me and Evi at the boarding house. It was such coincidence (I believe God set it tough J ) that Evi was really late, making Dewi must stay at my room until Evi’s home.

In that short time of conversation, I told her about my inability to write. I couldn’t write any story or poem since I’ve lost my imagination, creativity. She asked why and I answered it honestly. I was a dark society, my imagination came from witch, murder, depressed, anger, lonely feeling, etc (there’s nothing goodL). And ever since I left the world and determined to write about truth and light, I’ve lost my ability to write. I was stuck. I couldn’t create any story without including some magic, romance (which is lust or crazy silly love), depressed or stoic character, blablabla; and no poems without depressed feeling. Once, I tried to write about how my life turns. It was a pain; I didn’t have any right word or storyline.

Dewi, at that time asked, “You consider Jesus as your lover, don’t you?” it was a surprising question and I answered it without any doubt, “Yeah.” Even more surprising, she told me, “Why don’t you write your feeling? Your feeling to the Lord, just write it down.”

Suddenly I felt relieved. I was laughing of joy in my heart and I believe the Lord wants to tell me that as well. For the first time, I was thankful of Dewi’s visit (I was an unsocial person and dislike others presence).

“The Love” is my first poem I created without feeling any pain in my heart. Instead, it was such a joy and it is an art (for me :D).