Don't Let The Sun Go Down In Anger -- words from my Sis

Don't Let The Sun Go Down In Anger

Don't let the sun go down in anger.

Time is more valuable...

We have an assignment, destiny and purpose.

Don't nurse an old wound.

Don't re-live the past.

Don't get involved with battles that don't matter.

Don't talk someone into loving you-

know that some people no matter what you give

will not be happy.

Don't ask God why my loved one didnt make it.

Don't live in self pity.

Redeem the day...

While you walk through the valley, be a blessing to others

and you will make it to the mountain high.

Our life is like a mist - we are here, then we are gone.

Be more careful and deliberate of how you spend your time.

Don't live to say; "If only..."

Our days are numbered.

How will you spend the approximate 657,461.5 hours

Go

Don't let anything block your sun.

Put God first and before you go to bed say to God;

"I lift all my anger,bitterness and pain up to you God"

In the last hour you want to say;

"God, I lived my life to the fullest, I have no anger, I have no resentments,

I took nothing for granted, I forgave, I loved and I put you first."

Amen.

(The above was inspired by Joel Osteen and I thought it would be nice to share with you.)

Arms Wide Open

What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering

What does love look like?

What does love look like? is the question Ive been asking of You

Once believed that love was romance, just a chance

I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful

I once believed that love was a momentary bliss, but love is more than this

All You ever wanted was my attention

All You ever wanted was love from me

All You ever wanted was my affections to sit here at Your feet and tell me

What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering

What does love look like? If all of life comes down to love then tell me

What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering

What does love look like?

Then I sat down a little frustrated and confused

Your fire of life comes down to love. And love has to be more than sentiment,

More than selfishness and selfish gain

Then I saw Him there

Hanging on a tree, looking at me

I saw Him there

Hanging on a tree, looking at me

He was looking at me looking at Him, staring through me

I could not escape those beautiful eyes

And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, heart exposed

Arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding.

Arms wide open, heart exposed

Arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding

Loves definition

Loves definition, was looking at me

Looking at Him. Hanging on a tree

I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is.

And as I sat there, weeping, crying, those beautiful eyes

Full of desire and love. And He said to me

You shall love Me..You shall love Me.

With arms wide open, heart exposed

With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

You shall love Me.. You shall love Me..

If anybodys looking for love in all the wrong places

If youve been searching for love, come to Me. Come to me.

Take up your cross. Deny yourself.

Forget your fathers house and run. Run with Me.

Cause you were made for abandon your heart and listen

Cause you were made for Someone greater, Someone bigger, so follow Me.

And youll come alive when you learn to die.

And He said to me

You shall love Me. You shall love Me

With arms wide open, heart exposed

With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

I was a Gamer --Part II

In March 2011, something urged me to ask Sis about message she got from the church. She passed it to me and the message was the time is near, time for Christ. Deep in my heart, I fear it. I understand myself very well; I knew it then, I worship gaming—it became my second god. There was no way I would be saved if I stay this way.

I rushed and started to read bible randomly, prayed and asked God about what I have to do. I even tried to go to some churches but I never went to any church. Then, still in March 2011; I asked God about my second god—gaming, how to get away from it.    

“Delete the game.”

I didn’t believe it at first; I felt weird and started to laugh a little. A voice of nowhere just popped up in my heart.

“Delete the game.”

Ok, a voice in my heart asking me to delete the game. I sat on my bed, started to cry over it. I didn’t want to delete the game; it was such a harsh demand for me then. I bargained but there was no answer, it was a “command” not mere request.

Desperate, I came to my Sis and join her church for a Sunday. The message of that Sunday was a confirmation. The preacher delivered that we must throw away ourselves, everything that chained us. It would be a torture for your soul since there will be some emptiness. However, God will fill it! Don’t be afraid to let go, just trust in the Lord.

I need three weeks to completely stop playing and deleting game. Those three weeks are weeks full of tears and struggle, resulting of unstable state of mind. The hardest part was to say goodbye to my online friends, it was not an easy thing to do—I have no friends around me. Alas, what must be done is have to be done.    

 I sold my pc parts (I asked Albert to dissemble my pc). I thought it was enough, but I still hold my playstation. The images of playing game often loiter around in my mind and tortured me. I have to fight my desire to playing.

Finally, I sold my playstation as well. Leaving me with nothing I could use to return to the virtual world.

I felt like my journey is end and it makes me sad.

Still, I’ve done what I must do. I can only trust God to purify me and fill me with His glory.

Free from gaming addiction is my first step, I still have a long path to walk. 

I was a Gamer -- Part I

Runes of Magic

 I was a gamer.

Tantra

Since junior high I’ve been accompanied by playstation; Final Fantasy IX was my very first game. There was an alert for me and my family, which is my behavior related to gaming; but we didn’t realize it at all. Alas, I kept on playing until the point of game addiction.

Lineage

Gaming was an important activity for me. Without it I felt empty, upset, and unusually bored. I spent half of my life sitting before a monitor and living inside the game. After all, I felt happy and enjoy the adventure in virtual world; real world seemed plain and such a hellish thing (especially the people, I hated socialization).

I loathe my school life; primary, junior high, high school—all were nightmare. I had few friends in primary school and I was hated for some unknown reason. The same thing happened in junior high, I couldn’t blend in and some teachers dislike me for something I didn’t understand then. High school? Even worse. I was forced to apply in a small town high school. I didn’t care about how small the town is; I was tortured by the people there. They were speaking some alien language (country Chinese) while I don’t even understand it at all. I might be there, tried to blend in. Alas they kept on talking to each other, ignoring me—who couldn’t speak their language.

Ran

I ran to gaming. I could forget about those things and had fun in some great adventure and saving the world or maybe just chilling around. I’ve reached the point of being one with gaming. Without gaming I felt like I could die just like fish without water. Gaming is like drug addiction, it’s hard to be free from it.

Because of gaming, my high school bf dumped me and got another girl. It pained me real hard, yet I still didn’t see it come because of gaming. I used to fight with my recent ex-bf because of my gaming obsession, ignored some people that were trying to be friend with me because I choose game instead of socialized in real world, and worst…trading God for playstation (Bro tried to hide my PS2 and I was furious. I threaten to leaving the house and I didn’t wanna pray or go to the church -.-a)

Rohan

Idol Street

Bad experiences caused by gaming didn’t make me stop gaming. I didn’t care about everything else but gaming. It became even worse when I started online gaming. I hated socialization but in online game I could be friendly and had many friends. We helped each other in our virtual adventure, we fight each other, and I’ve met some of them in real world. The relationship I gained from online game was way much better than what I experienced in real life. On the contrary, my relationship with my family and people around me was at the lowest. I never contact my Bro and Sis; I did call my parent sometimes, but my purpose was asking for money; there was no chit-chat. I locked myself in my room, refuse to let anybody enter and annoy me gaming. My whole world was in virtual world.

Cabal

Xen

Now, looking into my past while typing this article; I feel funny. Some good ol’ feeling lingering around me—joy, ashamed, despair, guilty. It was such a joy when I’ve had found my place in online gaming—such a thrill and great adventures with people that accept me. Yet, I feel ashamed of it. I might reach some great achievement in online gaming; however, I had ruined my life because of it. I’ve neglected my study, ignored real people that were living near me, and lost my first love because of gaming. My regret turned into despair. I felt I was living inside a dark pit without anybody that could help me to out. There might be some people tried to pull me out; still, they had no enough strength. Then, guilty. I was wrong to neglect my study—disappointing my parent especially Mom, who always prays for me and reminds me to looking for God. This guilty feeling somehow still stabs my heart, making me cry when remembering about it.

Bad mood and Unlucky Day

http://ekkysabdina.wordpress.com/

Do you know, if you started a day with a bad mood it will affect your whole day to be such an unfortunate day?

Many wise people told us about it and use analogy to describe the difference of starting a day wisely with patience or stupidly with anger.

The most common example is:

A father woke up late. He rushed to prepare himself and “unfortunately” he had an accident with a cup of coffee. His daughter split the coffee on his shirt; alas, he snapped and yelled at her and also scolded the mother. The daughter cried, surely in that state she could not go to the school on bus like usual. The father, after changed shirt, forced to take the daughter to the school – making him arrived at the office even more lately. At this point, the father not only late; he also hurt the mother and daughter.

Turn the scenario; a father woke up late. He rushed to prepare himself and “unfortunately” he had an accident with a cup of coffee. His daughter split the coffee on his shirt, but he patiently smiled at his child and consoled her. While the father changed his shirt, the daughter went to the school on bus like usual. The father then kissed the mother and went the office just in time; well…it might be late but not that late.

I believe many of us ever read about this. However, did you ever experience it?

I did.

I admit I was not a good or kind girl. Instead, I had a temper that made me easy to explode. The core of this bad attitude lies on my ego. Blessed, I have to surrender it all to God and now I’m in some kind of treatment on this temper.

http://seattlest.com/2008/05/14/we_need_more_bu.php

One day, I woke up late and rushed to the office. I didn’t have any coffee accident but I was forced to take a crowded bus to the office. It was a hot morning and I carried some luggage with me. Since I hate crowded place, the crowded bus felt like a torture for me—my mood quickly hit the bottom bar and the unfortunate day started.

Arrived late at the office was not a big deal, the suddenly-broken-netbook was the problem. I couldn’t connect the internet and that’s mean I couldn’t work. Thankfully the office has a spare notebook, which I could use for awhile. I was upset enough and at the evening I realized I lost my purse. It was only coin purse, but I have enough money for one-meal-budget there. I scold nobody but I had an unpleasant day—I realize that whenever I got into some bad mood, my day would be bad (and I don’t even know since when this pattern started. Before I submitted to God, my mood never affect my luck =_=).

Another day, which is yesterday… my mood wasn’t good or bad, was it void. At the morning I tried to be friendly to Selly, yet it was rejected. I admit I’ve done wrong to her in the past, I did apologize to her and it seemed wasted; it is a surprise for me to know some grudge she holds to me. Honestly, it was upsetting me…

 

Arrived at the office, I was doing my usual desk job and sending group mail. I almost done the group mail when I realized I mistook the dating—I felt miserable and for awhile I didn’t know what to do to repent it. I choose to resend the group mail (T_T) and in the middle of it….Yahoo server went down; I felt like I want to bash my netbook. While waiting for the Yahoo server, I tried to promote the event in a forum. I already got this bad feeling but I didn’t prepare at all. There were some unfriendly responses in the forum; moreover there is one guy acted really hostile.

After office hour, I went to Semanggi delivering my novel collection to a buyer. When she checked the novels, it was revealed that the printing company didn’t use high-quality glue to attach those pages. I dislike the idea of letting that buyer go with imperfect books; yet she accepted it and told me the books are great (at that point I didn’t aware, but now I recognize the God’s favor on me). Went home, stuck at traffic, paid a great taxi bill because of that super traffic (==”)

http://www.ehow.com/

Finally home….

Are we done yet?

NO!!

I couldn’t enter my room for awhile because of some error in the keyhole. I thought Evi was already home, but I peeked the room from the window and there was nobody at all; why on earth the key won’t budge? I managed to enter the room after a brute force versus the keyhole (-_-“)

I felt super miserable and almost explode. Still, I ran to God and pour it all. I put it all into His holy fire and let it burned along with my ego. I never aware of it, but there was something that lifts my anger. My anger was gone completely and I gain a bizarre calmness. It was a simple thing, yet a miracle for me J

Thus, let us see the relation between bad mood and faith to the Lord. Some people might realize it already, but I only know this just now… (Thanks Holy Ghost :-* )

Bad mood could be interpreted into ungrateful manners, which is conveyed in a form of unsatisfied feeling on something.

Ordinary people would say this, “Unsatisfied or unhappy is human! There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Yes, it is human. However, human never feel satisfy—human always looking for more and more and even more.

“There is nothing that could satisfy me but the Lord.” (I forgot where I read it but I believe it is said by David, the line would be a little different but it has the same meaning).

http://www.oneyearbibleblog.com/2011/03/march-27th-one-year-bible-readings.html

Get a grip, realize it. Be thankful in every occasion: good or bad, lucky or unlucky, happy or sad. Be thankful for your life, which is granted. Furthermore, God never leave us—be thankful for that fact. Set your eyes on the Lord alone, and you’ll be satisfied more than you ever feel.                    

Shana Tova 5772!!

Rosh Hashana

Synagogue, Rabbi's talk, going on for a while, can you check the clock, huh
Cantor's opera, lost my spot, do you know the place, choir in the slot
Wine we drink, with family now, good deeds you do, good for your soul
Fish head, ram's horn, shofar blow, give some money, appeal for dough

Yo, I'm returnin' to the fold can you explain mo'
Got this desire to know Torah scroll, say hello
Our prayers rock, yeah, we're the Jews and we question
Got the pride, just cant stop, our lives are changin'
Rosh Hashanah's in the house tonight

All the world is passing through the light
Let's all get written in the book of Life
Shana Tova -- It's High Holiday time

Taking stock is what we do tonight
Shana Tova -- it's High Holiday time
Let's all get written in the book of Life
Blow the shofar and -- Shuckle!

Three times a day I'm shucklin'
shucklin', shucklin'

Shofar blast, all across the world we will do this task
Apples and honey, feelin' glad -- now stop, never get mad

Fill the Kiddush cup, my friends around
Books are opened up, the challah's round
All our history, we see it now
Now please hear our plea, we're prayin' now

Stand up, sit down, pass the prayer books around
Stand up, sit down, pass the prayer books around
Stand up, sit down, pass the prayer books around
Pass the prayer books around, pass the prayer books around

Rosh Hashanah's in the house tonight
All the world is passing through the light
Let's all get written in the book of Life
Shana Tova -- it's High Holiday time

Taking stock is what we do tonight
Shana Tova -- it's High Holiday time
Let's all get written in the book of Life
Blow the shofar and -- Shuckle!

Everyday I'm shucklin'

Shana Tova!!!

A message for atheists

Once, there was a Rabbi who come to Jakarta and share a story about his wife.

His wife wanted to pick up her children from school. She waited there and met another mother. They had a conversation for awhile, and then this mother asked, “Are you Christian?”

 

“Yes, I am.”

“I don’t believe in God and I don’t think He even exists.” The lady replied easily (from now on let’s call this lady the atheist). “Regardless of that, I’m blessed. I have money, I’m healthy. Blablabla….”

Hearing that from an atheist surely upset the wife. The wife can only prayed in her heart, “Dear Lord, how come this person being so impudent of You. Please Lord; show Your power so that she will know that You are the almighty God.”

Suddenly, the Holy Ghost told her to ask the atheist a question. 

“Did you ever catch a cold?”

The atheist replied, “Of course!”

“I don’t believe you.”

Upset, the atheist argued, “What? I’ve caught a cold. I experienced the sickness, how can you say you don’t believe me??”

The wife replied, “It’s the same. I experienced the Lord and I know how real and great He is. Who are you to dare claim there’s no God? I know Jesus is real and He is my savior. You have no right to say that He doesn’t exist since you don’t know nor experience Him!” 

Get the message?

If, you have no proof of God non existence; you have no right to declare there is no God. 

We, newborn Christian have experience the almighty God in our life, that's why we believe in God.

Letter from Satan

READ FIRST.....

LETTER FROM SATAN

by Frencis Joy Panerio on Monday, 08 August 2011 at 05:14

DARK LETTER

PAY ATTENTION TO THE P.S. at the end.

Letter from the Devil

This can really make you think. It actually made me really mad while I was reading it, but it made me realize some things.

Plus, I had to send it because of the P.S.

This is deep... and I wasn't going to forward or share it, but that last line... you'll see.

A LETTER TO YOU FROM SATAN

I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores.

You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter of fact, you didn't even bless your meals, or pray before going to bed last night.

You are so unthankful, I like that about you.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have not changed your way of living, Fool, you are mine.

Remember, you and I have been going steady for years, and I still don't love you yet.

As a matter of fact, I hate you, because I hate God.

He kicked me out of heaven, and I'm going to use you as long as possible to pay him back.

You see, Fool, GOD LOVES YOU and HE has great plans in store for you.

But you have yielded your life to me, and I'm going to make your life a living hell.

That way, we'll be together twice. This will really hurt God.

Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who's boss in your life with all of the good times we've had.

We have been...

watching dirty movies, cursing people out, loving worldly things, having bad influences, stealing, lying, being hypocritical, fornicating, overeating, telling dirty jokes, gossiping, being judgmental, back stabbing people, disrespecting adults, and those in leadership positions, no respect for the Church, bad attitudes.

SURELY you don't want to give all this up.

Come on, Fool, let's burn together forever. I've got some hot plans for us. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you.

I'd like to say 'THANKS' for letting me use you for most of your foolish life.

You are so gullible, I laugh at you. When you are tempted to sin, you give in.

HA HA HA, you make me sick.

Sin is beginning to take its toll on your life. You look 20 years older, and now, I need new blood.

So go ahead and teach some children how to sin.

All you have to do is smoke, get drunk or drink while under-aged, cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and live being as selfish as possible.

Do all of this in the presence of children and they will do it too. Kids are like that.

Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now. I'll be back in a couple of seconds to tempt you again. If you were smart, you would run somewhere, confess your sins, and live for God with what little bit of life that you have left.

It's not my nature to warn anyone, but to be your age and still sinning, it's becoming a bit ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I still hate you.

IT'S JUST THAT YOU'D MAKE A BETTER FOOL FOR CHRIST.

P.S. If you love me, you won't share this

Life

http://missduckness.blogspot.com/2011/07/ice-cold.html

While the girls gossiping around at the kitchen, I would be locked in my own room reading or writing. I am such a wrench who always feels rejected and casted out. Some people would never realize it but I am what they call as sad and lonely. To be honest, I don’t have anyone to be called as friend, let alone buddy. 

Pity on self is such a great sin; I’m struggling to fight over it. I often tell people to enjoy their suffering, and I know how it feels in reality. I often cry over it and in my loneliness I would have a very low self esteem since I always interpret everything as my fault. If people talking and finished it when I come, I would think that they dislike me and better be off than let me join the talk. I used to be in a situation of being a silent hearer, it felt like an invisible person and it really was breaking my heart. As a result, I distanced myself from the society because in my mind I was thinking that I won’t be hurt if there is nobody around me.   

I don’t know why, but it seems that I am afraid to be hated. I took the path and enjoy it if people hate me for Jesus, but I just don’t understand if they hate me for other reason. In this case, I am strong in Jesus but weak without Him.

Nevertheless, this makes me realize that I am still in love with myself, my ego. I’m longing for a friend but Jesus already is my friend. My mistake is I don’t run after Him but searching for reassurance from mere human.

Now, I suddenly remember a verse about not to depend on human. Human could hurt you, human can betray you, human can kill you; but the Lord is love, everything He has done is based on love, unlike human that act based on their ego. It doesn’t mean to leave the society and being a hermit, it means to just be yourself and let other think what they like; after all, what important most is the Lord.

Right now, I still am such a coward and rejected but I believe in Jesus. He was the one that transformed me from the lowest point of my life, surely He has a plan for me.     

Falling -- a song about David

My father told me to see how my brothers were doing
on the battlefield
My brothers told me there's an army that's causing some trouble
on the battlefield
And I could see the sun and it was shining on the one who wants to hurt my fellow people
And I could see that he was the antithesis of me and I must stand up for my people

He was falling, 'till he shook the ground, thought his strength was all
but he had nothing at all

My brothers told me that I am not the one to go and fight him off 'cause I am not a warrior
So i went to the king he said kid your just too young but if your truly sure take my armor and go to war
But I could tell something was wrong going to fight with all the song cause all I needed was his name of war to win
So I took five stones from the river aimed my slingshot and delivered the message right between his eyes, G-ds name is disguise

He was falling, till he shook the ground thought his strength was all
but he had nothing at all

Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad
[All that I needed in order to win was pure declaration of my faith in Him,
where faith stands even giants with fall]

He was falling, till he shook the ground thought his strength was all
but he had nothing at all

Where is the morality?

There is one phrase that often said by people in Indonesian, “Why good people always die early?” (Orang baik matinya cepat).

There also a joke about it,

Two good people die and come to the after world; they are welcomed by an angel.

“This is not fair, we are good people. Why we die so early?” they ask the angel.

The angel looked confuse and ask, “Did you drink beer or any alcoholic drinks?”

“No.”

“Did you ever do freesex in your life?”

“No!”

“Did you go to night clubs or enjoy any night lifestyle?”

“NO!”

In the end the angel say, “So what’s the point in living in the earth while you people never enjoy the world?”

Seems funny? Sorry, but it isn’t funny at all for me.

This joke literary told us that we have to enjoy the earth’s pleasure, which are those wild lifestyle. That lifestyle might seem cool; I never went to any nightclub before and forever, but I admit I used to dream of that lifestyle (hang out at a club). I imagine going there and hooked with some guy and then gain a beautiful relationship, etc.

 Yet, the Lord’s grace really shines upon me.

I never got any friend that loves to go to night club, so I never went there since nobody would accompany me. Some might say that I’m such a geek or a church freak, blablabla. Hey…believe me, I’m starting to be a church freak since last five months -- It feels like years tough. 

    

Ok, back to the night lifestyle. I believe there’s verse about going out at night, which tells us to be careful since the night is dangerous. Well, it’s true. Behind the glamorous lifestyle you can find that most people are ruined caused by the alcoholic drinks, drugs, and love.

People that try to find pleasure or have fun by going to nightclub often trapped in agony. The truth is hard, nightclub won’t give you any true pleasure. It is just temporary and has a high risk of ruining your life. Well, some people might make the nightclub as a meeting place or a place to dance. I won’t judge them, I believe those people aware of it and can manage to not join the darkness flow.

However, I have one crucial question.

Where are the morality?

Still, the earth lover would question about the good people destiny.

Well, I believe the Lord has the plan and already took care of it. So, why would I bother searching the answer? (^_^)

Sometimes, just enjoy the life without questioning or worry would be the best.

Enjoy it~

Last Monday Dewi visited my boarding house again. And since Evi worked overtime (always overtime~) again, Dewi had to stay in my room for awhile. As always, we had an interesting conversation.

Dewi told me, “I have to save money, I mean, a lot of money.”

I asked, “what for?”

“Marriage”

“Then?”

“Children”

“Then?”

“Live”

“Then?”

Seemed my questions irritated her… (sorry dear >.<). I told her that everything is a naught, why must you worry about money?

Nevertheless, she still doesn’t take my words and insisted that money is important for the future.

The funny thing is, I unconsciously said, “Well, just leave it to the Lord then :D after all the time is near, God will rapture me in no time ^o^”

“You crazy, you don’t want to live in the world anymore? The world is beautiful, duh!“

“No.”

Man, it is such a tragedy to see her response. While I see them, the people that still love this world, as strange people; those people see the likes of me as the creepy group (lol).

Back to the topic. I could see why she thinks money is important tough. I used to be such a greedy person; I desired more and more money. The money my parents gave seemed never enough for me and I dreamed of the luxurious lifestyle. In my mind, money would make everything easier. I could rent an apartment, shop for many branded clothes, do something about my face and body, etc. Alas, everything was a naught.

I realized that when human left this world, the human would bring nothing from this world. We don’t need to pile up treasure, money, fame, or anything from this world since it won’t give us salvation. Along with it, nobody knows when is the time, why don’t we live for God starting for now then?

Most people are busy with their own problems, yet the Lord did tell us to take it easy and let Him take care of it. He wants us to just enjoy living in Him and let Him take care of everything, is that hard?

Hmm…It is hard, but it is worthed J

Just let the Lord lead your life~

Why?

Last night I got a treat from a friend, Albert along with his friend Iti. The three of us had a conversation while we were eating dinner and Iti suddenly said “Why don’t you go with her to the church?” to Albert.

 I didn’t know how the conversation could turn into that, but Albert reaction was funny. He said that he is an infidel ( he said “kafir” in Indonesian) and it is still not the right time.

Well, perhaps it is not the right time but when is the right time and why “infidel”?

The same reaction also happened when Dewi visited my boarding house last Monday night. Even more, most people I know have the same reaction…

I was a gamer and I despised the church so much. I even reached the point of doubting the Lord and almost step in the world of atheism. My reason was simple, I hated the people of the church that always babbling and asking private matter while I don’t know them at all. I was a cyber world citizen and the internet was the source of my information. Too much information (most of the information contain no truth tough) made me doubting the Lord and wondered about many trivial things. I didn’t want to go to the church because I hated it and it would prevent me from playing games, not because I was an infidel or it was not a right time.

Then, why so many people use this alibi?

How come the word “infidel” came out easily from their mouth?

Why do they think “it is not the right time”?

The Lord Jesus Christ is a loving God. He loves us and willing to die for us, why do human easily say “infidel”?

I can’t help it then, in my view – people that declaring themselves as infidel are underestimating the God. It might be a joke, but forgive me… I can’t take that joke. It disturbs me.

Try to see the trivial things around, such as the new day every morning,  eyes that can see, nose that can smell, mouth that can talk along with its tongue that can taste, the heartbeat, the feet, and sooooooo many small things yet complicated. The God’s mercy always shine upon us and the human simply ignore it? Are we really that ignorant?

“It’s not the right time” – when is the right time then? Who are we that could push the Lord to wait?

It reminds me of the conversation with my old gaming friend, Mutso. We talked about trivial stuff and the topic ended up to my sudden transformation. I told him about my experiences and simply told him that the time is near, soon, Jesus will come. Then, he asked, “Is there any sign?” My answer was, “You have to see the sign first then?”

To be honest, I too, was frightened about the Jesus second coming that made me atone and rushed to the Lord. I didn’t want to perish in hell, I want to live; and look at me now… I’m addicted to the Lord XD~

Yet, why do people keep asking for signs when I told them “the time is near”?

Do people need to face the death first to make them understand and repent? 

Why? 

Judgment, a dark side of me

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Have you ever wonder about forgiving each other? Do you think you can do it without any pain or maybe unwilling?

I, personally admit it is the hardest thing to do ever. I used to be an unsocial person with an awful pride and unwilling to say “sorry” even if I’m at fault. On the other hand, not forgiving also can means judging a person by our own measurement. Why can’t I just forgive? He/she is a bastard that blablabla~ (why did I called him/her a bastard?).

For me, knowing that I’m wrong and I could fix it it’s enough and I didn’t bother to ask for forgiveness. Yet, if one offended me, I would be furious and thought to do many bad things to that person. Once, I even thought to just kill the person and all my problems would be solved.

Well, I analyzed myself over and over again and realized that my vanity is the source of those dark habits. I was agonizing over it and displeased with the fact that I could just get over it by ignoring those people’s silly behavior, let them slip without any punishment whatsoever. I even wanted to report my ex-friend about her behavior and her boyfriend that always sleepover at this girls-only boarding house, at that foolish girl’s room every night (I admit these words are the reflection of my disappointment) to the house owner in my rage to make that girl and her boyfriend be kicked out (I didn’t do it since I don’t want to make things worse, she’s the type that would kill herself). 

To be honest, I felt like she just forget about my helps when she was at a pit killing a soul and almost die and blablabla (I’m still getting mad…Lord please help me T_T). I was a stupid person that left some ridiculous vanity in my heart and judged her as a slut, a stupid whore that couldn’t live without man. But then I realized that I’m not better than her, I also am a dirty human. Why did I ever judge her?

In Matthew chapter 7:1-5, the Lord clearly tells us about this.

“Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

Bang! ” Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” these words are my shelter that protects me from my foolishness and from the devil.

It is still hard for me to just let it slip and I’m struggle in it. This world might provide many tips to be a better person that forgiving and blablabla, but can it be done with our own power?

Nevertheless, praise the Lord! Jesus frees me from my agony and He also carries me home, away from the darkness. He is the One that changed me and gives me the power to win the battle. I have no power to change myself at all, but He is the one that do the job done :) 

A Wonderful Visit

So many things I want to share, but I’m confused which story I should share. Then again, I think It’s better to be wise and keep some stories until the right time.

Today’s story starts when my old friend, Dewi, came visit me and Evi at the boarding house. It was such coincidence (I believe God set it tough J ) that Evi was really late, making Dewi must stay at my room until Evi’s home.

In that short time of conversation, I told her about my inability to write. I couldn’t write any story or poem since I’ve lost my imagination, creativity. She asked why and I answered it honestly. I was a dark society, my imagination came from witch, murder, depressed, anger, lonely feeling, etc (there’s nothing goodL). And ever since I left the world and determined to write about truth and light, I’ve lost my ability to write. I was stuck. I couldn’t create any story without including some magic, romance (which is lust or crazy silly love), depressed or stoic character, blablabla; and no poems without depressed feeling. Once, I tried to write about how my life turns. It was a pain; I didn’t have any right word or storyline.

Dewi, at that time asked, “You consider Jesus as your lover, don’t you?” it was a surprising question and I answered it without any doubt, “Yeah.” Even more surprising, she told me, “Why don’t you write your feeling? Your feeling to the Lord, just write it down.”

Suddenly I felt relieved. I was laughing of joy in my heart and I believe the Lord wants to tell me that as well. For the first time, I was thankful of Dewi’s visit (I was an unsocial person and dislike others presence).

“The Love” is my first poem I created without feeling any pain in my heart. Instead, it was such a joy and it is an art (for me :D). 

Even More Grace from the Lord

I was on my way home and saw my college friend, Lily, standing in front of her house with a flashlight looking into the ditch. I asked her what is she doing and her answer is a sad one. Some thief managed to enter her house and took away two laptops, she wondered about her padlock and want to find it. Sadly, I can only tell her to endure it since she had called the police and made a report to the chief of the village.

 This unfortunate event reminds me of my past which is related to burglar things. I was in a sophomore in high school and still living with my family. However, that time Dad wasn’t home, alas I only have my Mom and Bro together. My living place always was a complicated matter ever since I can remember, we always moving to another place. My family owns a shop and planned to move the shop to other venue. Hence, we have the building, which was in a quiet area without other residents but me and Mom. Bro decided to stay at the old shop until the new one completely established leaving us the ladies alone.

Mom is a religious one, she prays every day and I was a bad child then. I ignored everything and just locked myself in the room playing alone, I also hated to go to school since I dislike the people there (I was such a wrench -___-a). Back to the topic … In reality, two ladies alone in a big building surrounded by darkness since there were no other people live there would be an easy target for criminal. In spite of that, there was nothing at all! We never experienced dangerous situation of a burglar broke into our home or whatsoever. Instead, it was peaceful time until Dad returned.

I didn’t realize it back then, but God’s grace already shines upon my family for a long time and it still working until now (and forever I believe J). There were no burglar attempts when it was only me and Mom, but when there was a man in the house then something happens.

If I remember correctly, it was the second or the third night after Dad return. Mom awoke as she wanted to go to the bathroom. She passed the back window and realizes there was someone there. She didn’t scream or woke Dad up but simply took some water, splashed it out the window and that unknown person fled in hurry. That was the first burglar attempt my family has experienced and the Lord protected us amazingly. 

         

Not long after the first event, the second event also involved Mom. That time she heard noises at the back, she assumed it was me (who always stay late playing video games) but she saw my light was off and decided to check it. I don’t really remember it but she didn’t splash water to the burglar like the first event but touched the window curtain and the burglar fled. The next morning she checked the window, she found some blades there and I don’t wanna imagine the “if” scenario.

Even more, there was the third attempt. The first two tried to broke in through the back window on the second floor, the third one tried to break the steel door at the third floor.

Here’s the story. It was midnight and raining, Bro’s room was at the third floor and at that time he prayed just like usual. Believe it or not, God told him about devil trying to come into the house. In other words, the Lord warned him about the burglar then he realized there was someone trying to break the door!

I’m overjoyed, these are old stories but I’m in awe since I experienced God’s grace in my own life and now I realize He always take cares of my family! I also stated that there are no lies in the bible, and indeed the bible contains truth more than you can imagine. Those experiences are the living words of these verses:

(Psalms chapter 91:11)

“For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.”

(Psalm chapter 121:7)

“The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.”

The era we are living in is indeed the era of blessing. Lord Jesus answers my questions and grants me my wish, what can make me happier more than the Lord? NOTHING!

A little addition about the truth of bible, my ex-bf misunderstood about Christian and said he dislike the “promises” things. That time I wasn’t home into the Lord house and I couldn’t answer anything to it since my thought of it almost the same as him then. However, I think with the support of the Holy Spirit I can answer him boldly that the Lord made promises and going to fulfill it exactly just like what He stated in the bible. It’s up to us to believe it or not, just remember that the Lord never lies!

God promised to grant us this and that, but we also have to love and obey Him. He can’t just grant the wicked along with the good; after all, God is fair.