I was a Gamer -- Part I

Runes of Magic

 I was a gamer.

Tantra

Since junior high I’ve been accompanied by playstation; Final Fantasy IX was my very first game. There was an alert for me and my family, which is my behavior related to gaming; but we didn’t realize it at all. Alas, I kept on playing until the point of game addiction.

Lineage

Gaming was an important activity for me. Without it I felt empty, upset, and unusually bored. I spent half of my life sitting before a monitor and living inside the game. After all, I felt happy and enjoy the adventure in virtual world; real world seemed plain and such a hellish thing (especially the people, I hated socialization).

I loathe my school life; primary, junior high, high school—all were nightmare. I had few friends in primary school and I was hated for some unknown reason. The same thing happened in junior high, I couldn’t blend in and some teachers dislike me for something I didn’t understand then. High school? Even worse. I was forced to apply in a small town high school. I didn’t care about how small the town is; I was tortured by the people there. They were speaking some alien language (country Chinese) while I don’t even understand it at all. I might be there, tried to blend in. Alas they kept on talking to each other, ignoring me—who couldn’t speak their language.

Ran

I ran to gaming. I could forget about those things and had fun in some great adventure and saving the world or maybe just chilling around. I’ve reached the point of being one with gaming. Without gaming I felt like I could die just like fish without water. Gaming is like drug addiction, it’s hard to be free from it.

Because of gaming, my high school bf dumped me and got another girl. It pained me real hard, yet I still didn’t see it come because of gaming. I used to fight with my recent ex-bf because of my gaming obsession, ignored some people that were trying to be friend with me because I choose game instead of socialized in real world, and worst…trading God for playstation (Bro tried to hide my PS2 and I was furious. I threaten to leaving the house and I didn’t wanna pray or go to the church -.-a)

Rohan

Idol Street

Bad experiences caused by gaming didn’t make me stop gaming. I didn’t care about everything else but gaming. It became even worse when I started online gaming. I hated socialization but in online game I could be friendly and had many friends. We helped each other in our virtual adventure, we fight each other, and I’ve met some of them in real world. The relationship I gained from online game was way much better than what I experienced in real life. On the contrary, my relationship with my family and people around me was at the lowest. I never contact my Bro and Sis; I did call my parent sometimes, but my purpose was asking for money; there was no chit-chat. I locked myself in my room, refuse to let anybody enter and annoy me gaming. My whole world was in virtual world.

Cabal

Xen

Now, looking into my past while typing this article; I feel funny. Some good ol’ feeling lingering around me—joy, ashamed, despair, guilty. It was such a joy when I’ve had found my place in online gaming—such a thrill and great adventures with people that accept me. Yet, I feel ashamed of it. I might reach some great achievement in online gaming; however, I had ruined my life because of it. I’ve neglected my study, ignored real people that were living near me, and lost my first love because of gaming. My regret turned into despair. I felt I was living inside a dark pit without anybody that could help me to out. There might be some people tried to pull me out; still, they had no enough strength. Then, guilty. I was wrong to neglect my study—disappointing my parent especially Mom, who always prays for me and reminds me to looking for God. This guilty feeling somehow still stabs my heart, making me cry when remembering about it.